Author: dmitriy.vasyura@gmail.com

How unimaginable was this week’s episode of Survivor 50? Properly, Christian Hubicki actually s— his pants and it was solely, like, the third most fascinating factor that occurred… on his personal tribe!

Christian is actually not the primary Survivor contestant to subject a “Code Brown” on the present, however he may be the primary to do it whereas simply standing there mid-conversation tending the hearth. Normally, such conditions are resulting from some type of island illness or reward feast over-indulgence after weeks of not consuming regular meals. Sometimes, hashtags are even issued. However Christian’s “surprising evacuation” was so bizarre and out of nowhere, with the professor all of the sudden competing in a center college freeze dance earlier than excusing himself to take care of the crime scene.

The digicam tried to observe him, earlier than he knowledgeable it that, “I promise you, you’re not going to wish to see this.” I made the identical mistake as soon as once I began to observe Paloma on Survivor: Gabon with my digicam earlier than she politely knowledgeable me that she was on her option to the lavatory. (Whoopsies!)

Whereas Christian’s underwear was the clear loser of the episode — I admit to being vaguely distracted for the subsequent 90 minutes questioning if he simply buried the dirty garment or what — the winner must be none aside from novelist Stephen Fishbach for Christian’s deep lower #gastrointestinaldistress callback. The extra individuals that may be reminded of Fishbach’s Cambodian free bowels the higher, I say.

And that “darkish cloud” was merely one among two unimaginable bookends to the second episode of Survivor 50, as Christian later ended the proceedings by hilariously performing an intentional face-plant whereas leaving Tribal Council. And, proving a powerful dedication to the bit, he even pretended (not less than we assume pretended) to get misplaced on his approach out of Tribal.

The explanation for the ridiculous fall — by which he tripped on completely nothing and simply type of crumpled to the bottom like Colby’s journey puzzle — was to offer a distraction for his associate in crime, Rick Devens.

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That’s as a result of Devens had a completely sensible concept. After studying of Christian’s Boomerang Idol, Rick thought it could be enjoyable to take Christian’s packaging and make a faux idol to cover at Tribal Council, and that’s precisely what that candy, ring-tossing, Joe-arguing, Savannah-hunting bastard did!

He used the distraction of Christian’s absurd Tribal tumble to sneak his faux idol behind one of many rocks surrounding the hearth. In fact, he then nearly undid the whole factor by blatantly mugging to Jeff Probst after, like “Yo, you see that, buddy?”

However are you able to blame him? The dude was excited! And I wouldn’t be shocked if there was somewhat “See, Probst! You made me wait it out as an alternate till the final minute once I was going to deliver HEAT all alongside!” behind that. Rick has greater than earned his spot on season 50 with that transfer alone.

I ponder how Probst felt about that Tribal faux idol placement, as a result of the host has mentioned up to now that the explanation they don’t disguise idols at Tribal Council (ARE YOU LISTENING, ADAM KLEIN?) is as a result of they don’t need gamers tearing up the Tribal set in search of issues. But when Rick later plucks one thing from behind that rock on the hearth, are others going to begin poking round in search of stuff?

Nevertheless, the very best a part of this complete charade was not Devens hiding a faux idol at Tribal Council. Nor was it Christian making like some character in a dystopian sci-fi thriller who awakens and steps out of a cryo-chamber solely to find his legs don’t but work once more. No, the very best a part of this entire factor is that whereas Christian was telling his island bestie about his Billie Eilish Boomerang Idol, what was Rick doing? HE WAS TYING HIS TIE FOR TRIBAL COUNCIL!!!

I man, that Rick is even carrying a tie to play Survivor within the 12 months 2025 is ridiculous, however the truth that he was like, “Oh, Tribal Council is developing, I higher put my tie on!” is, like, my favourite factor ever. Listed here are Christian and Rick doubtlessly alerting the sport in a approach by no means seen earlier than in 50 seasons, and Devens is half-distracted the whole time coping with a pesky Windsor knot. So good.

Okay, let’s get into the opposite good, unhealthy, and ugly from episode 2 of Survivor 50, and — shameless plug alert! — when you’ve got not been voting every day, make certain to take a look at our large Survivor Winners bracket.

Search and annoy

It appears as if Kyle’s (literal) ache was the RizGod’s acquire, because the R-I-Z-G-O-D took the season 48 winner’s spot within the Vatu majority alliance after “course-correcting” to enhance on his hyper begin to the sport. Though it appears the remainder of the tribe needs he was nonetheless a bit extra hyper with regards to doing work round camp.

Right here’s the factor about Survivor. Each tribe dynamic is totally different. If one particular person… let’s name him B.B.… is insistent on working on a regular basis and everybody else is aggravated by it and simply desires to sit down round and chill, then you definately gravitate in the direction of the lazy individuals, since that’s the place the votes are. Nevertheless, if the workhorses have the ability (and that appears to be the case with Colby, Stephenie, and Quintavius), then you should step up and not less than faux to hold a number of sticks round or one thing.

“I didn’t come to Survivor 50 to play camp,” Rizo complained. “I got here to Survivor 50 to chop some throats and win some cash.” Completely honest! However if you wish to stick round lengthy sufficient to chop these throats and win that cash, then you must take the temperature of the tribe and, sure, course-correct to enter the inside alliance sanctum. Is that this additionally why Aubry and Angelina (dubbed a “statue” by Q) are on the outs? Within the case of the latter, it could possibly’t be serving to.

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Talking of Aubry, she was the sufferer of a authorized bag search as Genevieve — who seemed to be having a whole ethical disaster — rifled via her bag whereas apologizing profusely for rifling via her bag. For these new to those right here components, I’ve gone on file time and time once more as not being a fan of bag searches. That is primarily based not on any type of morality or invasion of privateness. God, no! There’s no privateness on Survivor. I imply, simply minutes earlier Christian was actually pooping his pants on nationwide tv, so there may be really nowhere and nothing to cover on this present.

Why I believe bag searches ought to be unlawful is as a result of 1) You could unintentionally stumble onto Christian’s dirty underwear, and a pair of) Survivor is best when individuals would not have all the knowledge and are compelled to guess. I simply assume there may be extra intrigue and probability of individuals making improper (learn: entertaining) strikes primarily based on incorrect info in the event that they weren’t allowed to bag search and have the reply handed to them. There are, in fact, exceptions to this, however typically, I imagine preserving gamers at the hours of darkness and taking away their Get out of Oblivious Free card makes for higher TV.

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Sadly for Genevieve and her friends, Survivor is all about timing, and, based on the edit, they checked Aubry’s bag a day too early — earlier than Christian had gifted her his Boomerang Idol. That introduced Aubry to tears — not an unusual sight … much less widespread than Rizo, positive, however nonetheless, not unusual.

I like that they confirmed Aubry explaining, “I’ve a barely dysfunctional relationship with Survivor,” as a result of it’s such an enormous a part of her story. (And he or she bought into intimately about it in our emotional pre-game interview.) Anyway, let’s see what she will do now that Christian’s idol fell into her lap. Get it? Christian? Fell? Anybody? Bueller? Anybody? Okay… let’s transfer on.

Coach will get an ouchie

So let’s transfer over to the Kalo tribe the place… ACCCCCCKKKKKKKK! Oh, mommy! Jesus, all the things was going effective, after which my proper typing hand simply cramped up and… OOOOOOOUUUUCCCHHHHHH! Dammit, now my left typing hand simply cramped up as properly! Outdated Man Ross over right here is actually breaking down on the job. On the plus facet, I suppose it might have been worse, as I might have pulled a Christian and defecated throughout my keyboard as a substitute. Additionally, it’s not like my double cramp occurred whereas wading out within the ocean.

What is going on to my important man Coach?!? I informed you ways enamored the whole forged was of him earlier than the sport, which is why I made him my decide to win all of it due to the Cult of Coach. However then the sport began and he’s bought Ozzy overtly questioning his honor and integrity. And now he must be saved by Aquaman earlier than drowning.

Whereas I’m completely satisfied and relieved that Benjamin Wade didn’t simply turn out to be an “ex-Coach” if you understand what I’m saying, I’m additionally tremendous bummed this incident was captured on digicam. I imply, are you able to think about how epic this story would have been had cameras not been there to fact-check our favourite raconteur? He would have been preventing off sharks. Probably piranhas as properly. A Fijian native would have seen him and dove in to assist, however then the native would have been attacked and Coach would have needed to save him! All of it would have been taking place, and it could have been legendary. And as one Maxwell Scott as soon as opined in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, when the legend turns into truth, print the legend.

The one different factor of observe from Kalo was Chrissy giving Coach a leg message… as one does. I discussed how Chrissy was one of many people I used to be most excited to see play once more, which is why it’s a bit disappointing that we’ve probably not truly seen her play but. And what we noticed right here had me involved by way of how a lot we will see of her shifting ahead.

Dee informed us Chrissy wanted to put off the mothering and that “she could be a little an excessive amount of,” which is a little bit of an oxymoron, however I get what she’s attempting to say. After which there was Charlie, who initially wished to work with Chrissy however mentioned he wanted to drag again as a result of people on the tribe have been changing into “somewhat miffed” on the season 35 runner-up. BOOOOOOOOOO! I’d quite have my actuality TV contestants come on too robust 10 out of 10 occasions. Extra Chrissy, please.

A rewarding expertise

Lord is aware of I like me a water problem, so it was a thrill to get to do a number of of them on each seasons 49 and 50 whereas I used to be on the market, together with this magnificence, and I’ve nonetheless bought the battle scar on my left forearm to show it.

There was just one noticeable change between the course that press and Dream Teamers ran versus the precise gamers. It appears to be like like they widened the highest degree of the tri-level steadiness beam to make it a lot simpler to cross. Within the run via, solely two out of 12 individuals made it throughout on their first strive — myself and EW’s picture director Alison Wild. (Which is why the EW staff dominated the competitors and gained. And props to EW’s Kristen Harding for touchdown all three rings.)

Earlier than I give myself an excessive amount of credit score for making it over so quick, keep in mind I had an epic wipeout on the platform as I made it throughout. That’s as a result of I do know the key to steadiness beams is to go quick, not sluggish. So I principally dedicated to working throughout it understanding I’d almost certainly wipe out on the touchdown — which I did. (The actual fact it was moist and slippery in tough, windy waters didn’t assist, however let’s be trustworthy, I most likely would have crashed and burned anyway.)

Most Dream Teamers (who’re younger and match) and press (granted, not a lot) couldn’t make it strolling over the steadiness beam and needed to actually crawl over on their butts at a snail’s tempo. Clearly, problem producer John Kirhoffer and his staff pulled a Rizo and course-corrected (actually, on this case!) to widen the highest degree seeing as how the one particular person we noticed fall right here in any respect on the ultimate run was Stephenie.

As nice as this reward problem was (the shot of Savannah diving underwater to seize the rings is about pretty much as good because it will get, and I’ve already replayed Aubry’s stomach flop one million occasions in my thoughts), the actual drama was earlier than the problem, as Coach responded to Ozzy’s declare that he was taking part in with out honor and integrity by stealing the important thing he had knocked down. “I actually wish to get as far on this recreation as attainable with only a shred of dignity,” he introduced. “So I’d blow my recreation up for discussing this, however I wish to set the file straight concerning the problem.… I’m taking part in this recreation like I all the time performed it.”

Ozzy had the right mic-drop response: “Yeah, I believe he is taking part in the sport like he’s all the time performed it. A minimum of the final time I performed it with him.”

Realizing Coach, I discover it very exhausting to imagine that he would let the dialog finish on that observe impugning his character. There should be extra that didn’t make the ultimate lower. REALEASE THE TAPES, YOU COWARDS!

Anyway, congrats to famous hoopster Rick Devens for touchdown all three rings and successful his Cila tribe some gear that a lot of them might not have even gotten the chance to take pleasure in resulting from an impending torch snuffing and tribe swap. Guess I guess it felt good within the second, proper?

Detective Joe Hunter on the case

I’m not going to get into the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-beautiful immunity problem as a result of it was principally the very same factor they did for the primary immunity problem for season 49, solely with much less mud. Vatu gained, Kalo bought second, and Cila bought final, however don’t quote me on any of that as a result of Lord is aware of I would not have these tribe names memorized but.

However assuming Cila was truly the identify of the tribe that misplaced, that was nice information for viewers, as a result of it meant we bought to listen in on extra tremendous awkward conversations between Joe and Rick. Properly, extra like interrogations. Every thing about this was positively scrumptious. Return to the very origins of Savannah pitching an alliance together with her, Ozzy, Rick, and Joe. Ozzy wished no a part of it as a result of he had Cirie, and Rick wished no a part of it as a result of he had Emily and Mr. Poopy Pants.

So then Rick went off to speak with Joe, and Savannah informed him to ask Joe about being within the alliance, however in fact Rick wished no a part of any of that, so he shrugged her off. Just one downside: Joe noticed it occur, which led to him aggressively placing Rick (and later Savannah) on the spot like a type of police procedurals the place the suspect is put in a darkish room and for some utterly nonsensical purpose has utterly waived the fitting to have a lawyer current whereas they reply fast hearth questions from a cop who doesn’t play by the foundations and can do no matter it takes to get a confession.

One of the best a part of all of that is that when Rick and Joe tried to have a clear-the-air dialog within the wake of their first supes awkward encounter… IT GOT EVEN WORSE! “I’ve not stopped loving Joe as a human being,” Rick informed us. “I’m over it with him as a recreation participant. You’re a Survivor participant, bro. We’re allowed to lie and backstab!”

The enhancing type of made it seem like Rick bought up and walked away mid-conversation (to go get his tie for Tribal Council, maybe?). I don’t know if he truly did simply rise up and go away, however the frustration on his face each time Joe interrupted him was priceless and simply would possibly seize Display screen Shot of The Week honors within the subsequent Survivor 50 Mystery Box.

This scene additionally hammers residence the significance and random luck of the draw with regards to authentic tribe placement. Rick bought super-duper fortunate to finish up with Christian and Emily, whereas Joe bought a very unhealthy draw. Had he been tribed up with Colby and Steph, or Jonathan and Coach, his honor and integrity model of play can be rather more welcome, and he would have been in an excellent spot and wouldn’t have wanted Christian to appease his soul with a delicate hammock rocking becoming for a child. (Though I suppose Christian was the yet one more in want of a diaper change at this level.)

In the meantime, Cirie was off being a mastermind — utilizing a delicate contact to push the vote away from her ride-or-die Ozzy and in the direction of Savannah. “All I do is give you the knowledge so that you can evaluate the 2,” she defined, “and then you definately give you your resolution, which may be my resolution.” As if that was not sufficient, she additionally used some type of Jedi thoughts trick to persuade Ozzy at hand her his additional vote with out even asking for it! (Granted, Ozzy is very vulnerable to Jedi thoughts methods. A Toydarian, he’s not.)

Nonetheless, a really spectacular exhibiting from Cirie, particularly when it grew to become clear that the vote was certainly heading on Savannah. That appeared apparent as soon as we bought to listen to the Survivor 49 champion’s teary Tribal Council speech about placing a wall up on her earlier season and studying to be susceptible and be herself. It was nearly like she knew herself at this level which approach the vote was going.

As I defined in my Survivor 50 cover story, Savannah was in hassle earlier than the sport ever began. And as soon as she went on that Journey, her destiny was sealed. The uncertainty surrounding her earlier recreation coupled with the thriller of what kind of benefit she obtained after defeating Colby was an excessive amount of to beat.

Look, Survivor 49 was not an excellent season, however Savannah is precisely the kind of participant all of us wish to see on this present — she performs aggressively, she performs to win, she’ll ruffle (or, in Survivor parlance, rustle) some feathers. She was a worthy winner.

Personally, I’d have quite seen her and Rizo come again for, say, Survivor 55 since we have been simply fed a heaping serving to of them for 5 months straight earlier than 50 even began. I believe each they and we might have used a break. I additionally imagine it could have been higher for his or her video games, though I suppose we’ll have to attend and see how Rizo does earlier than setting that proclamation in stone.

I’ll make certain to ask Savannah if she has any regrets about going back-to-back after we chat on Thursday. Additionally, only a reminder to take a look at our fancy new Survivor HQ, crammed with video games, polls, movies, chats, and hyperlinks to any articles you might have missed. Go have some enjoyable over there and I’ll be again subsequent week with one other scoop of the crispy!

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